The culmination of Brian’s life will always be his death; because of its sudden and surprising nature most people when thinking of him will only think of how he left this world; by his own hand.
My brother Brian committed suicide on the 23rd of November, 2011. The first question that is always asked is, “Why?” and as much as I have thought about it, I do not believe we will ever come to a definitive answer. Even with the information that we have: his journal, his will, the last posts he made on Facebook; it just doesn’t seem like the truth will ever come to light and I can think of very little else about our lose that is as heartbreaking and maddening as that.
In the will section of Brian’s last notebook (the one containing his suicide letter, poems, and goodbyes among other things) he wrote, “…I will say that if family or friends want a copy of this will, please let it be provided so they can understand these words themselves.” And so here it is: Photos of Brian’s journal I took with my phone the day we got it back from the police. I am omitting three parts. Two personal letters and the actual will section in which he states where he wishes his belongings to go.
There was an extra room in the house Brian was living in and he had set it up as a band room/office. This was taken just one day after his death.
Brian’s suicide letter
Brian’s note to me and our brother Jeremy. The second note was to our mother.
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I’m truly sorry for your loss. I have never lost someone close to me, so I’m sure I can’t understand.